As new things are brought to light, it has undoubtedly come to my attention, the extent of my depression and quite commonly associated behaviours, including shifts in anxiety and anger, that have begun or have shown in the past, to behold a pattern. It is quite recent that I re-experienced the feeling of paranoia and the effects of it were devastating, inclusive of personal circumstances taking a nose dive at the time of change; it has made me more aware of my behaviours once again.
This repetition has become again a nuisance.
My worry, is in the concern that a likely possible explanation for my behaviour in recent years taking a plummeting jump into the deep end, is the idea that I may have Bipolar Personality Disorder, or as referred, BPD; there are concerning patterns in my behaviour. I am constantly bored and when I get angry, my spouts turn into a fist frenzy with myself, sometimes in fact, I feel so empty, my mind unhinges and my only distraction has been to talk, write or do something else about it whilst I can escape from its clutches.
I understand that in certain cases, that are concerned, we as humans are to feel such things from time to time as a way of saying we’re depressed, but the constant flux of emotions has me confused; I experience some very high moments and then there’s moments it’s in the ground, stuck down like somebody has glued my heart to the wall, let out their rage and left it to fall to the ground.
But in all concern of BPD, maybe I am blissfully unaware that I may simply be searching for an answer to the previous delving of embodiment, to where I may have just unwound myself far enough that I am experiencing what can be seen as it, but that it may only be a temporary state of mind, of which whilst I am inside its world, should make use of what’s available to manufacture manifest and create right now.